Chapter 7

Bang,Bang,Bang.....Someone was banging on my bedroom door, I ignored it and continued shoving my books down my bag angrily. I hadn't slept at all lastnight and woke up with a terrible headache and my whole body was in pain...but I still decided that I was going to school because I didnt want to be in the same environment with my dad and I wanted to go to school to see Demetri, I had this weird feeling that he'd show up out of the blue and reassured me that everything was okay and maybe something normal for once would start happening in my life. The banging on my bedroom door continued but I ignored it, I dragged a random sweatshirt from my closet and dragged it on then brushed my hair back in a ponytail and yanked the sweatshirt hood over my head, I slunged my bag over my shoulders and grabbed my iPod off the bed then oepened my room door to find my father standing there looking at me.....

''What?'' I asked confused, I pushed passed him and headed downstairs and into the kitchen. He followed behind me  but I ignored him as I reached into the refrigerator and took out a bottle of water.

''You do know what tonight is right?'' He asked as he waited for me to respond on whether or not I remembered about the whole theraphy thing but after spending the whole night thinking about it. It was the last thing I wanted to think about, the last thing I wanted to talk about and IF i was supposed to talk about it, Dad was not the person I wanted to talk about it with.

''How could I forget?'' I rolled my eyes and sighed in frustration

''Anna, i'm doing this for you, Okay.''

''Yeah'' I said Scarcasitcally ''Maybe next time, you could push me off a cliff. I mean, you'll be doing that for me right?''

He sighed and pinched his eyes together then looked at me ''Look.....'' Before he could say anything I rolled my eyes and left the house for school, without saying another word to him.

I pulled up into the schools parking lot and took a deep breath in as I stepped out of my car. My heart started racing as I walked through the school's parking lot; scanning my eyes over the cars that were parked but Demetri's car was no where in sigh and the usual place where he parked his car was empty. I looked down and walked into school, went to my locker and put my books in and took out the ones I needed for photography.

''ooo, Someone got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning'' Zoey teased. I ignored her as I closed my locker door and zipped my bag up.

Katy was standing by her locker and Zoey was leaning on the locker between Katy's locker and mines. She had a mulit-coloured candy strip in her mouth and she was looking at me. Katy didnt even turn to look at me, she just continued whatever she was doing in her locker.

''Okay. Look. There's a party at my house tonight, you can come if you want'' She said, and the way she said it made it sounded as if she was being funny or was just trying to be nice.

''No thank you'' I said as I faked a smile

''Well, The doors always open'' She said as she took the last bite of her candy strip

She groaned ''KATY!. what the hell are you doing in your locker? Let's go!!!!!''

''I'm looking for my stupid lip gloss...''

''I'll get you a new one, Lets go before they close the gates''

And just like I thought she would, Katy closed her locker door and followed behind Zoey like a little puppy dog. She didnt say anything to me as she walked hand in hand with Zoey, I rolled my eyes and walked off to my lesson which I was already late to. I stepped into my photogrpahy class feeling completely drained and aching, My head was throbbing and my whole body was aching. I took my seat and tried to concetrate on the lesson but I couldnt help feeling lonely and worried about where Demetri might be.

After the teacher Helen had given us the instructions of what to do, I still sat seated in my seat as everyone got into their pairs that they have been placed in but I had no interest in whatever was going on around me so I stayed  seated....

''Anna?'' Someone said with a british accent....

I Ignored the voice coming from over me and focused on my breathing with my eyes closed. ''Really Sorry to bother you but...''

''What?'' I finally said frustrated

''Hi, I'm Aiden'' A voice said

''Hi...Goodbye'' I said without looking at him

''We've been paired together as partners''

''Great'' I said to myself

I turned to face Aiden and there was a pale faced boy with light brown eyes and blonde hair looking at me. ''Sorry about that, I was just ermmm............''

''No Need for an explanation'' He smiled

''Okay, well ermmmm we...ermmm'' I laughed and the tears that were in my eyes were becoming more visible and a small teardrop fell from the right side corner of my right eye.... I laughed and turned away from Aiden...

''Sorry, It must be the ermmm... dust or something'' I said laughing to ease the tension

He just smiled at me, I looked away from him as new tears fell from my eyes and I had to constantly wipe them away and apoligze for each one like an idiot.


It's lunch time now and still no sign of Demetri. I finally reached into my pocket and typed the text ''I miss you......'' but deleted it after I realised that I didnt even have his number because he never gave it to me, I didnt know anything about him and it was like I was inlove with a stranger. Once again I felt like crying as I sat alone in the cafteria with a tray of untouched food infront of me.

''We all cry, you know?'' Someone said

I laughed with tears in my eyes ''Yeah...'' I said looking down at my mobile phone

''Tell me what I have to do, to make you smile''

''Nothing'' I said

''hmmm, well i guess, I'll just have to figure it out myself, haven't I?'' Aiden asked

I looked up at him ''Why are you being so nice?'' I asked

''New boy. Moved to a new country, trying to make some friends..............do you see where i'm going with this?'' He asked

I laughed ''Yeah, I see it'' I said

''Why don't we start over, since we didnt get off at a right start this morning''

''Okay'' I smiled

''I'm Aiden'' He smiled

''Anna''

''It's a pleasure to meet you Anna''

''This is so weird'' I laughed

''Ssshhh.. Don't spoil the game'' He laughed

I laughed. Aiden was adorable, I had to admit it. He made me smile today but it didnt take away the pain I felt from Demetri's absence. In English, I prayed that he'd show up and everything I heard the classroom door open and someone came in, I'd feel my hear racing fast and I'd turn around; wishing that he'd be there but he wouldnt be there. As soon as English ended I got into my car and went straight home where my dad and Coleen was waiting for me.

I opened the front door of my house and headed for the stairs. ''ANNA'' Coleen called out from behind me

''What?'' I sighed

''Come, we're leaving for the theraphist now'' She said

''WE? and I thought it was at 8''

''Yes but it's out of town and we have to leave now if we want to beat that evening traffic''

''Firstly, Why couldnt we just go to one of those crappy theraphist in Miderm and secondly what do you mean by We? I thought this was only for my dad and I''

''Yes it is for your dad and you but He asked me to come along with him, for support. And we didnt want any theraphist that was based in fountain falls because they know your situation so they'll be symphatetic towards you and we don't want now, do we?''

''Support? He has Me?!!'' I shouted

''I wasn't saying he hasn't got you. He asked me to come along so I agreed. Now are you ready to go?''

I rolled my eyes at her and went back down the stairs and we all climbed into my dad's car and took off for the therapist. The journey to the theraphist took about 2 hours, when we finally reached, I got out of the car and slammed it behind meand followed behind my dad and coleen inside the building. As we checked in and the lady at the reception told us what room to go to, I felt nervous and scared as my dad reached for the door handle of the theraphist's door.....

''Dad...'' I whispered, looking at him with panicky eyes

''Honey,  it's fine....''

''I don't want to do it..''

''Come on, Anna, you're a big girl now'' Coleen said and she sounded frustrated

''i wasn't talking to you'' I snapped at her

''Look, Sweetie. if you don't like it, today, we won't ever have to come back, Just do this for me please?''

I nodded ''Yeah and maybe we should just go in. Not her'' I said

My dad looked over at coleen apologetically, she faked a smile and said ''No worries, I'll wait here''

We walked into the theraphist office, there was a very skinny guy with light brown hair sitting around a desk, he smiled when he saw us. ''Anna and Dave?'' He asked

''yeah'' Dad said

''Tale a seat'' the theraphist ordered

''Hi, I'm Gerry, and I just want you guys to know that I am not like any othet theraphist. I actually do care And i promise to make this process goes as smoothly as possible'' He smiled

I scoffed ''How many people have you told that before?''

He ignored my comment and then reached into his cupboard and took out a big file then gave some sheets to my dad for him to sign. I looked around the office, there were pictures of Gerry with other people and they're were awards and a huge painting of a man and a woman sitting on the sunlit beach.

''Okay, so Dave, we'll start with you....''

''Well Ermm'' My father cleared his throat ''My wife and eldest daughter died in a car accident two years ago, and let's just cut a long story short. Things havent been the same since then'' He said uncomfortably

''And how has things changed? How is it not the same?''

''ahh where do we start.... well firstly there's like this huge distance between Anna and I, it's like we're two strangers living together and we don't talk about how we feel....''

''And how was your relationship with Anna before the accident?''

''Normal, like any fahter and daughter..''

''Normal as in arguements...? Be more specific Please'' Gerry said

''Well actually I wouldnt call it normal because we were pretty close actually, she was closer to me than she was to her mother''

''Okay and have you been trying to rekindle the relationship?''

''Yeah, I try to do things like pizza night. Her mum used to do that, I try making plans for us outside the house to get her out the house because it's like she's nailed inside the house. She gets out for school and then comes home and that's it''

I looked over at my father feeling betrayed and angry, he didnt even turn to look at me.

''Okay and Anna, have you got anything to say?''

''Nope'' I said

''How do you feel about what your father has just said?''

I shrugged my shoulders

''Do you feel the same''

''No'' I said

''Can you tell me how you felt that night you found out about the accident?''

''Erm.. she was invovled in the accident'' My father corrected the theraphist

''Oh, My mistake. so you survived the accident, well that must have been hard to deal with right? How does it make you feel to know that they're gone and you're still alive''

''I don't know. Why don't you tell me?'' I said looking Gerry right in the eye

''Anna, this isn't helping the situation. In order for me to help you, you need to open up to me. i understand how you feel..I----''

''NO! you don't understand how I feel, You don't give a fuck about How i feel'' I shouted then got up off the chair and left the room.


''ANNA'' Coleen called out from behind me

I ignored her and carried on running, I just wanted to get away from it all.....

Chapter 6

I woke up and got dressed for school then went down into the kitchen where my father was sitting down having breakfast. ''Morning'' I whispered as I walked over to the refrigerator.

''I saved you a pancake'' My father said

''Thanks'' I smiled then took the pancake and began to munch it down.

''Listen, About lastnight''

''It's okay dad, You don't have to talk about it'' I said as I took another bite of my pancake

''We do honey, Look. One of my work colleagues Coleen thinks that we should both see a theraphist together''

I stopped chewing on my pancake and looked up at him ''You're joking right?''

''Look Anna, we have to talk to someone about this'' He said

''NO! Dad No! Okay! we can talk to eachother. We don't need some stupid people looking down at us and trying to help us! we're FINE!, we don't need help'' I screamed at him

''It's whats best for us, it's whats best for you.. Okay. I'm a mess Anna and you need a healthy parent. This could really help us''

''I'm fine. We're FINE!''

''Let's just go and see what it's like, Okay. If you don't like it, We'll stop. But we have to do something to fill the distance between us''

''Distance?!'' I laughed

''The decisons been made. and that's final, we have an appointment with the therapist tomorrow at 6pm'' He said strictly giving me that look which showed that he was serious.

''Well, I'm not going'' I said childishly then I grabbed my bag off the ground and left the house. I climbed into my car and drove off.

I was angry at the fact that he had the nerves to talk about a theraphist when we could just discuss it between eachother, We didnt need anyone else interferring and the last thing I wanted to do was to sit down with a stranger and tell them how I felt, All they would do is make up some shit to try and help me because they end up getting paid for it, Why tell them how I feel when they don't even care, they're strangers to you and either way they get paid.

I pulled up in the school's parking lot and got out. I went to my locker and slammed my books down and retrieved the ones I needed for period 1.

''Wow, someone's in a bad mood'' Katy laughed

''Argh..!!'' I said as I tried to catch my breath

''What's wrong?'' she asked and she didnt even sound like she cared

''It's my dad, He booked us for this errr....Theraphist and I just think it's stupid'' I sighed

''Maybe it's a good thing''

''What's that supposed to mean?'' I asked, crossing my arms and staring at her angrily

''You're a mess dude'' She said

I stared at her mouth opened wide and not having anything to say, She smiled and walked off leaving me standing there with tears in my eyes. I expected her to agree with me and to say something to comfort me or something but instead she just made it worse. I licked my lips and took a deep breath in; trying to not allow the tears that filled my eyes to fall.... I went to my lesson; hoping that Demetri would show up and make my day better but he didnt show up. I sat still in the class filled with students who were enaged in the normal world but all I wanted to do was to runaway and hide in the dark.

Lunch time came and still no Demetri. ''He's gone'' I thought to myself, he couldnt face me so he left... I thought of possible explanations as to why he isnt in school but all I could do was blame myself for his absence and I just felt worse and worse. I sat at the empty canteen table beside the rubbish bin with my face in my hands...

''Freak'' someone said as they walked pass me...

I ignored them and reamined seated then when the bell rang for period 5. I went to my science lessson, Mr Donovan paired us in groups and I got placed with Katy. She rolled her eyes at me and then put her hands up

''Yes Katy'' Mr Donovan asked annoyed

''Sir, Can I please have a different partner?''

''What is wrong with the partner you're paired with?''

''Sir, if you want me to do well the change my partner''

''That wasn't what I asked you'' Mr donovan said

''I paired you with Anna, you guys have been working together on every single assignment''

''Yes... But....''

''No BUTS!.. I'm the teacher, I make the decisons. NOT YOU''

''Okay, no need to get all worked up about it'' She said as she walked over to my table and took a seat beside me

She didnt say anything to me as she sat there. We sat at the table doing our seperate things for the whole lesson. She was on her blackberry doing whatever and I was sitting there thinking about Dmeetri and worried that something might have happened to him but most of all I was worried that he might have just got up and left because he's had enough of me.

''There goes your happiness'' I thought to myself as I made my way to my car.

I got in my car and made my way home, I wanted to go to Demetri's house but I didnt. I ended up going home, when I reached home, I slammed the door behind me and was heading up the stairs when I heard a woman's laugh coming from the kitchen. For a second I thought that it might be Mum, Maybe she's back but all the thoughts of her coming back drained when I saw a blonde woman leaning over the stove mixing something in the pot. I cleared my throat and then my dad looked up at me.

''Oooh, Anna, This is errr..............'' Before he could say anything, the blonde lady walked over to me and said ''I'm Coleen'' She smiled and put her arm towars me for me to shake it

I just smiled and stared at her; refusing to touch her. ''She's the one I was telling you about this morning'' My father said

I didnt look at him, I continued staring at Coleen, ''So you're the one that told my dad about that theraphist thing''

''Anna'' My father whispered warningly

''Yes, it's a pleasure to meet you and don't worry things will be normal around here again'' She smiled

''I made dinner, go up and do your homework then I'll call you down when it's finished''

I stared at her mout opened wide then looked over at my father who was just looking at me like nothing's wrong. ''I'm not a baby, I don't need to go up and do ''Homework'' and things are normal around here, The only thing not normal is you being here'' I said; glaring at her

''Anna!!'' Dad called out

''I'm so sorry Coleen'' He said

''It's okay, It's part of the grief'' she said

I rolled my eyes, ''Anna, Look. Sweetheart, I get it. I understand how you feel, Okay? and that is why I'm here to help you?''

I scoffed ''Help me?! I don't need your help. Thank you very much!''

''And we don't need you cooking for us or coming here and telling me what to do''

''ANNA!!!'' Dad shouted at me

Coleen jumped up scariedly at the sound of my dad's voice but it didnt scare at me. I rolled my eyes and turned around and head up to my room then slammed my door behind me. I went to my bathroom and even though Demetri said that I'd never have to cut myself again, he didnt make me promise and it's not like he was here now to comfort me so I turned to the razor blade. I slit it across my wrist and watched as blood poured out.................

The Pain I feel inside

 

The pain that I feel so deep inside,
The hurt, the shame, and all the lies.
People that I live with thought they would be the people that I love,
With the hate, the anger, the yelling, the teasing, and the madness.
The more that I cry, the more I think there is no love.
When I go to school they always talk about me,
When I come home that’s not where I want to be.
Sometimes I feel I don't want to be in this world,
If someone shot me I wonder how they would feel,
Happy, mad, or pretend that they are sad.
The pain that I feel so deep inside,
The hurt, the shame, and all the lies.

Chapter Five:

I chewed on my bottom lip as I nervously made my way to my English lesson. I hid my face beneathe in the hood of my sweatshirt as I walked through the corridors of Fountain Falls high. I was giddy,nervous, excited and my palms were getting sweaty as I remembered that Demetri is in my English class. I spent hours getting dressed this morning, I even straigtened my hair and wore makeup.
I stepped into the classroom still nervous and excited about seeing Demetri but all my happiness drained when I saw him perched on Ashley's desk and whispering in her ears. I gulped and stared at tyhem with pain in my eyes, it was like I could not only feel the sinking and crashing feeling of my heart but I could hear it.

I tried not to stare as I walked past them; hoping that maybe he'd notice me, the girl that was at his house on saturday, the one that he offered his T-shirt but he just ignores me and remained perched on her desk. I took my seat and watched from the corner of my eye as he leaned over and kiss her. I pressed my lips together and gazed down at my desh, as I tried to not allow the tears that filled my eyes to fall. I reached into my sweatshirt pocket and retrieved my iPod then I stucked the earphones in and cranked up the volume to the loudest it could go. I wanted to block out Ashley's squeals of ''Omg my god'' and her ''aww, you're soo sweet''....Sometimes I wish that I could be numbed, Because when you're numbed and someone screw you over or hurt you, you just shrug your shoulders and carry on like nothings wrong but no matter how hard I try to not care whenever I get hurt, I just can't ignore the burning pain that I feel in my heart.

For one whole hour. I had to sit in English and watched as Demetri passed notes to Ashley and she passed notes to him. Depsite the fact that I was sitting right next to him and he completely ignored me like he doesnt know me.

''Look at her, All over him'' Zoey said annoyingly

Before even looking, I knew who they were talking about. It was what everyone was talking about The school's hottest new couple ''Demetri & Ashley''. I sighed annoyingly and got up from the lunch table them stormed out of the crowded cafeteria; deciding that I've heard enough from Demetri and Ashley. I left the cafetria and headed for my car in the parking  lot. The plan was that I'd go home and hole myself up in my room.

''Leaving so soon'' A voice from behind me said

I already knew who it was so without turning around or anything, I carried on walking.

''So you're giving me the silent treatment now, Huh?'' he asked

I sighed annoyingly before going into my car then turned around to find Demetri standing behind me dressed in, a black T-shirt, black leather jacket, black trouser and in a sleek black, motorcycle boots. He had his hans in his pocket and was gazing at me.

''I suppose'' I said with a shrug

''may I ask you why?''

''Why don't you ask yourself that question?''

''Okay then. ermmm.. Demetri what did you do to Anna?....Sorry but Demetri doesn't know the answer'' He said with a laugh.

''You're not funny'' I said seriously

''C'mon, it's funny but seriously. What did I do?''

''Look, dude haven't you got  girlfriend to go back to?'' I rolled my eyes

''Girlfriend?'' He laughed

I stood still staring at him angrily with my arms crossed, waiting for an explanation.

''Ashley is not my girlfriend, I mean... she's hot and everything but she's not my type''

''and who is your type?.....'' I asked then he stared at me with eyebrows raised and a smile across his face ''Not that i care'' I finally added.

''I don't know.. I guess whoever sails my boat'' He said

''You're such a jerk'' I said then reached over to open the door of my car then he called out from behind me

''Wait''

''What?''

''Please just explain to me what I've done'' He said; staring at me with pleading eyes

''Why should I? I don't sail your boat so it doesnt matter what you've done''

''You do sail my boat'' He said, not looking at me

''Oh'' I whispered

''Well this is awkard'' I said looking around and trying to not make eye contact with him.

''Can you tell me what i've done now? Please?''

I sighed and looked at him, His gorgeous black hair fall and slightly covered his right eye and his perfectly shaped soft pink lips....

''Well, It's just that one minute you're all over me and you make me feel so important then the next.... you're off with some other girl; making me feels stupid and dumb for believing that you might have actually liked me'' I said fast

''I do like you. It's just that I suck''

''No you don't'' I whispered; without looking at him

''Yes I do. I suck at love. I don't know how to express my feelings to you, So I guess that by flirting with Ashley it would make you jealous and bring you closer to me but I ended up hurting you and thats the last thing that I ever wanted''

I gazed at him smiling then he was about to say something else but I reached over and grabbed him then pressed my lips against his. I kissed him and crushed his body against mines... I pulled away from him and looked him right in the eye ''Well I guess your plan didnt work... You didnt push me away''

He smiled and then pressed his lips against mines. He pulled away and took my by the hand and we headed towards school, he walked me to my lesson then waited until I was inside then he headed off to his. I walked into my science lesson and closed the door behind me, the door made a banging sound and all of my classmates turned around to look at me.

''You're late! Grab a textbook and try to catch up'' Mr Douglas said

I didnt say anything as I made my way over to my usual seat and retrieved my pen, pencil, textbook and notebook. Katy was sitting right beside me, I looked over at her and smiled, she just pressed her lips together and turned to look at what Mr Douglas has written on the board. After the lesson had finished and Katy and I were making our way to the car park. I decided to atleast try and re-kindle our friendship because I needed her and I spent years pushing her away because I was feeling so guilty about the accident but now I needed her more than I  needed anyone else.

''So, I was thinking that we could errrrr go to the cinema together. there's this new movie called ''The death and life of charlie st cloud'' I said

''You hate the cinemas'' She said; without looking at me

''Yeah, well I like it now'' I lied

''Well I can't, I'm booked for the week.''

''Booked?'' I asked confused

''Today, I have to go uptown with Zoey, Tuesday, I'm going to Jamie's soccer game, Mum's literally forcing me to go. Wednesday Zoey and I are going shopping, Thursday... Zoey and I are having a sleepover at an hotel with Matt and David then on friday I have a party to attend''

''WOW!'' I said

''Yeah....''

''Well, we could go next week''

''I guess'' she said

''So, How's Josh'' I asked, trying to star another conversation.

''ARGH..../ do not even mention his name'' She rolled my eyes

''What happened?''

''He hated Zoey...'' She said with a sigh ''And I don't hate boys that hate my friends and anyways Zoey thought I could do better and she's right because David is awesome''

''Sorry to hear'' I whispered

She stopped and turned to look at me ''Sory for what? It's not your fault''

''I know but I know how mu---'' Before I could finish, Zoey cut me off

''There you are'' She said grabbing Katy by the arm

''Here I am'' Katy said

''What are you doing?'' Zoey asked then turned to look at me and rolled her eyes

''I was telling Anna about Jo---''

''Don't care'' Zoey said cutting Katy off

''We have to go NOW!'' Zoey said then grabbed Katy by the arm and walked off with her

''I'll call you'' I called out

Katy threw her hand up and said bye then went in Zoey's car and they drove off together.

When I reached home, I went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water then went to my father's office. I stood at the door; staring at my father, his computer was on and he was staring at a picture of my mum. I cleared my throat and then he quickly clicked out of the picture.

''You scared me'' He said, not looking at me

''Dad, it's okay'' I whispered

''What? I'm fine. I was just ermmm cleaning my computer and I came across the picture''

''yeah'' I said rolling my eyes

''So, errm... how was school?'' He asked and I could hear the cracking in his voice and I knew that he wanted to cry and I was hoping that he could and maybe he'd open up to me about how he feel about the accident. Instead of covering it up and holing himself up in his office. He hasn't slept in the room since the accident, he sleeps in his office....

''It was fine'' I said

A small teardrop trickled down his face and he reached over and pinched his eyes together..... then wiped it away and turned to look at me

''Allergies'' he lied

''Okay'' I whispered ''Well, I'm going upstairs''

''okay'' He said with a smile and I could see the hurt in his face, I could see that it took every strength in his body for him to fake that smile.

I left his office and headed up to my room, As I was climbing the tears to my room. I could hear sobs coming from my father's office..... I ran up the stairs and closed the door behind me. I didnt want to hear him crying, I wanted him to man up and be my dad. I wanted him to tell me how he feel, talk to me and not shut down..... I knew that I also pushed him away but he pushed me away more and now it's too late to fill the gap between us

Chatper Four

Eventually we ended up leaving the resturant earlier than we'd plan lastnight. I didn't even taste the food because i'd lost my appetite after seeing Demetri all over Ashley right in my face and it wasn't like he didnt notice that I was there because he turned and looked me in the eyes then turned back to Ashley. It was like he didnt care about me or my feelings as he kissed and played with Ashley, I guess I should have seen it coming but I was so desperate to know what it feels like to be happy again that I was too blind to see that he was no different from anyone else. I guess it's just a smiple normal part of life where people screw you over and you just shrug your shoulders and move on right?

I climbed out of my  bed and looked through my bedroom widow, Today is Saturday, I went to the bathroom and looked at my reflection in the mirror before stepping into the shower. I didnt look any different from yesterday but my masscara and eyeliner had made underneath my eyes black because I cried all night lastnight. I stepped into the shower and had a showe then got out and dried myself carefully, I looked into my closet and dragged out the first pair of tracksuit bottoms with a top and a sweatshirt. I got dressed then dragged on a pair on converse, brushed my hair back in a ponytail and dragged the hood of my sweatshirt over my head then added a massive amount of eyeliner and masscara to my eyes. 

I grabbed my iPod and headed downstairs, as I was going through the door, My father called out from behind me.


''Where you of to?'' He asked


I didnt turn to look at him as I responded ''I was going uptown with Katy'' I lied


''You two are friends again?'' He asked surprised


''We never stopped being friends'' I said with a shrug


''Well, tell her I said Hi''


I rolled my eyes and slammed the door behind me on my way out. The last thing I needed was for my dad to remind me that I'd lost my bestfriend to Zoey Connner. I didnt have any plans to go anywhere so I ended up going down to the beach. I took a seat on a rock at the beach, on the far end of the beach away from everyone. Everyone on the beach was dressed in their bikinis but I was dressed in full black. I reached into my pocked and took out my iPod; Stuck the earphones in and tried to block everything out by listening to my music. I was sitting on the rock with my eyes closed; trying to block everything out when all of a sudden someone dragged my earphones out of my ears. 


''WHAT TH---'' I said as I turned around to see who it was but stopped when I noticed that it was Demetri sitting on the rock beside me and smiling at me. He smiled at me; gazing into my eyes, His dark green eyes piercing into mines and keeping them locked on his. I wanted to reach over and kiss him to remember the soft feeling of his lips, My lips were trembling as I felt his cool breath brushed on them.


''Hey'' He said with a smile then winked at me.


I rolled my eyes and got up from the rock then walked away. 


''Hey, Wait up!'' he called out from behind me


I ignored him and carried on walking.


''What did I do now?'' He called out from behind me, annoyingly


I carried on walking, still ignoring him then all of a sudden, something hit me across my stomach, causing my legs to collasped and I ended up falling into the sea water. I got up and gasped quickly then looked up to find Matt standing over me. ''Are you okay?'' He asked, he didnt even sound concern at all


''Just Fine. I'm perfectly fine'' I said miserably as I got up.


My whole clothes was wet now, My hair was wet. 

''Forget the looser Matt, she said. she's fine'' Amber called out from behind Matt. Amber is one of Ashley's wannabe's. Fountain falls was a typical place and so was the high school. You had the cheerleaders, the jocks, the nerds, the goths, the sluts and the wannabes. I rolled my eyes at Amber and walked off; I could still feel the pain in my stomach as I walked and I knew that a bruise would be left in it's place. 


''Anna!'' I heard Demetri called out from behind me.

I groaned annoyingly and turned around to look at him with my lips pressed together. I tried not to make eye contact with him because if I did, I knew that all my reasons for being mad at him would disappear. 

''Are you okay?. that surf board hit you pretty hard back there'' He said with concern written all over his face 


''I'm fine.'' I said with a shrug


''So do you want to explain to me why you've been avoiding me?'' 


I pressed my lips together and gazed down at the ground; refusing to look him in the eyes. I wanted to scream at him about how he hurt me when he was with Ashley lastnight but the last thing I wanted was for him to think that I am one of those girls that get jealous over everything. 


''Anna?''


''It was Nothing. I guess I just got up from the wrong side of the bed this morning'' I said with a nervous laugh.


''Okay... Well, I've got a good day planned for you. C'mon'' He said to me then he walked over to me and took my hands in his leading me to the exit of the beach.


As soon as our hands touched, I felt a electric shock run through my arm, but I didnt grasp my hand away because I loved the feeling. 


''Do you mind telling me where exactly we are going?'' I asked


''My House'' He said then he turned to wink at me


I gulped nervously and tried to allow a smile to form across my face. His car was a Chevrolet Corvette 2009 a black one. I looked at his car in surprised then looked back at him but he just smiled and opened the passenger door for me. I climbed into the passenger seat and sat down then dragged my seatbelt on. Inside his car was clean and smelt exactly like him; I loved it, it was like I was inhaling him. He climbed into the car then put a CD in the CD player then he started the engine and drove off. 


The song panting pictures by Adele; suddenly started to play. I looked at him surprised ''You like Adele?''


''Erm......................Yeah. Call me a sucker for depressing songs'' 


I looked at him and smiled, ''Wait.'' I said seriously


He turned to look at me alarmed ''What's wrong?''


I laughed ''We actually have something in common''


He laughed too, then we both started singing along to the song

                 I can feel the pressure pushing onto my heart     
And it's teasing me
So scratch my itch and beat my drum
So i can start to begin what's begun....

Demetri drives fast. Really Fast, so we reached to his place in about 15 mintues. He lives in a gated community about an hour away from Fountain falls which is where I live. He looked at the young blonde attendant at the gate and she smiled and waved him in. He drove to the top of a hill then made a left turn, quickly followed by a right turn then he stopped at the end of the block called ''Willow Tree'' He killed the engine then climbed out of the car. I tried to calm down my breathing as I climbed out of his car. The community looked so posh and different from Fountain falls. Demetri reached over and pulled my hands in his, I turned to look at him and smiled nervously. He guided me to his house; the one at the very end of Willow Tree with the beautiful white roses and manicured lawn. I didnt wat to skulk or draw any unwanted attention to myself so I just strolled along with him as if I've been here before. 


His house was huge ad painted white with golden double doors, It look like one of those celebrity houses that you'd see on MTV cribs. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a key then he opened the door and took my by the hand and led me into his house. I tried my best to not stare mouth opened wide as I looked around his house. Inside was painted white, there was a huge gold chandeller up in the ceiling and huge white couches with a glass table in the middle. I tried to not gawk as I looked around his house; it looked so much like an hotel. ''Maybe his family is rich'' I thought to myself, but it didnt look as if Anyone elese was in the house. There were't no family pictures on the wall or anything, It just looked plain... ''Maybe his family is out and anyways you don't want to meet them'' I said to myself. I felt a cold pair of hands pulled me around my waist, I smiled at Demetri then he led me up the stairs and into his bedroom. 


His bedroom was also painted white and he had a huge queen sized bed and had a shelf filled with books and a huge walk in closet.... All the clothes in his closet seemed to be black, He smiled at me then went into his closet and then gave me one of his black T-shirt. I looked at the T-shirt then at him confused ''Get out of those wet clothes'' He said with a smile then he reached down and kissed me on my cheek


''It's fine, you know. I'm almost dried'' I said


''Just go put on the T-shirt please'' 


''Haven't you got anything long sleeved?'' I asked, as I remembered that I had scars on my wirst and arm because I've been self harming for the past two years to deal with the pain of loosing my mother and sister. 


''Nope'' He said


''Okay'' I said nervously


''Bathrooom's across the hall'' He said

I left his bedroom and as I was heading for the bathroom, I noticed that it was dark in one of the rooms. I looked around to see if he was behind me then I stepped into the room. It was dark in there; I searched for the light switch then switched the lights on. He had two huge book shelves filled with books and they were pictures all over the walls. I looked at one of the pictures on the wall, It was a auburn haired woman with green eyes and a dark haired man with blue eyes and in their arms were two twin boys. I smiled then looked at the other pictures of the two twins, there was a writing at the bottom of the picture that read ''Demetri and Damien Contostavlos aged 3'' I looked around the room then left quickly and turned the light off. I got changed into the T-shirt and went back to his bedroom, I wanted to ask him about his family and wether he was a twin or not but I didnt want to be all up in his business.


I took a seat on his bed and hid my arms behind me then he reached out and grabbed me by my right arm and I yanked my arm away in pain; at the fact that he'd just touched one of the scars that haven't been healed yet. He looked at me confused and concerned then he slowly reached for my arm and looked at it slowly. He didnt seem surprised or anything as he stared at the scars on my arms..... I pressed my lips together and tried to not look him in the eyes. I was sitting there waiting for him to call me a freak and maybe kick me out of his house but instead he looked me in the eye and said as he stroked my face gently ''You never have to do that again'' then he pressed his cold soft lips against mines.... I kissed him back tenderly, He was kissing me and stroking my wet hair....


Okay so maybe I am falling in love with Demetri but can you blame me? He's just so sweet, sensitive, sexy, charming and he accepts me for who I am. When i'm with him, I don't have to fake a smile because any smile that comes across my face is real and it's caused by him. He dropped me home and within 10 minutes, he was parked infront of my house, I felt dissapointed and sad at the fact that I was home after spending the whole day at his house.......He made me something to eat and we watched Much ado about nothing. He said that it's his favourtie movie and it's also mines, so far we have two things in common. We both love Adele and love shakespeare. I turned to look at him; hoping that he'd kiss me or something but instead he reached over and pecked me on the cheek ''See ya on Monday'' He said


I tried to hide the disappointment on my face as I climbed out of his car and headed inside my house. I stepped inside my house and took my time as I climbed the stairs because I was still dressed in Demetri's T-shirt and the last thing I wanted was for my dad to step out of his office and ask me why i'm dressed in a males T-shirt. After reaching into my bedroom, I had a shower and got dressed in my pyjamas then logged onto facebook (Which is something I have not done in ages. Social networking was never my thing but I was in the mood for facebook) 


When I logged in facebook, I noticed that I had a friend request from Demetri Contostavlos, I accepted him without thinking about it the went straight to his profile. His last status was a minute ago and it said ''I had a great day, Thanks to her, she's special'' I smiled to myself as I remember how amazing my day was with him. We talked and laughed, I felt so comfortable around him. I went to his photos and clicked on his album labelled Life. There was a pic of him with a red headed girl, her hair was red like fire and she was dressed in leggings and a top, there was always another pic of him with a light blonde haired boy with blue eyes and the same girl but her hair was blonde this time. They were all dressed in black, he was dressed in black in all his pictures. Then there was a pic of him with him...... There were two Demetri in the picture but one of them was wearing a leather jacket and the other wasn't. The one wearing the leather jacket was tagged as Damien Contostavlos. I clicked on his name and went to his profile. It wasn't Demetri but the guy looked exactly like Demetri, nothing about them was different and then I remembered the picture I saw at his house of him as a child with Damien. He was definetly a twin but why didnt he tell me? He didnt even mention his family to me or anything. I was at his house from 10am to 9pm and no one came.... no one called....

Chapter Three

I sat in the crowded noisy cafetria as I recall what had happened between Demetri and I this morning, I mean people only kiss eachother when they have feelings for eachother right? and I certainetly had no feelings for Demetri. I couldnt help and question the fact that maybe I did have feelings for him deep down but I'm just too stubborn to admit it, I mean I can't stop thinking about him ever since the kiss happened..
I guess i'm just scared of admitting my feelings fror him because i'm scared of getting hurt and I also feared for him because everyone that I love or care for always end up getting hurt because of me, I'm a danger to the people I love.

I wasn't always this way. I used to be a normal teen, the kind who had celebrity crushes, went out with friends and was always happy, I was always interested in boys and always dreamed about moving out of my parents house but I guess that when you loose your mother and sister in an accident that only you survived then it just gives you a whole new perspective of life.

''Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to come down to the beach with Jordan and I today?'' Katy asked as she grabbed the hood of my sweatshirt and swiped it off my head.

Katy is my bestfriend, we've been bestfriends ever since nursery. We became friends over colour pencils, she had the red colour pencil that I wanted to use and when I asked her for it she refused to share with me so I spilled black paint all over her work. We ended up getting in a fight that the nursery nurse Mrs Fisher had to stop and then Mrs Fisher forced us to apologise to eachother and we became friends ever since. After the accident Katy and  I slipped apart, We're still friends and everything but we're not as close as we used to be before and it's all my fault, I was hurting so much at the time that I didnt want anyone around me and I eventually pushed Katy away then she met Zoey and Charli and became friends with them. I guess she felt sorry for me because she still hangs around with me but she does everything with Zoey and Charli.

''Sorry, I can't. I've go to go dinner with dad'' I said to her as we both walked to lesson

''Oh.......Okay'' she said as she tried to hide the pain of rejection in her eyes

''BUT. I'm not doing anything on saturday'' I said

''Sorry, I've go to go Up town with Zoey for some college party''

''Oh, I see''

''But you can still come, I'm sure Zoey won't mind''

''No, It's fine. Have fun!'' I said as I tried to hide the pain in my voice

I didnt like the idea of Katy and Zoey hanging out together because ever since she's been hanging out with Zoey, all she's been doing is party and getting drunk. Sleeping around with boys and everything; Katy was better than that and I wanted to tell her so badly but I feared that she'd get upset and then i'll just end up pushing her away for good and that was the last thing that I want to happen.
Katy is the most beautiful girl i've ever seen well expect for my mum but Katy is so beautiful. She has dark black hair, dark blue eyes and a perfectly shaped body.

I pushed pass the students standing in the doorway of the class and then took my seat, I retrieved my notebook, pen and pencil from my bag and waited for Ms, Smith to appear. Demetri then walked in and so did Ms Smith, as Demetri walked in and took the seat right infront me I cringed as I remembered the kiss. I've been trying so hard to not think about it but my mind just seems to always wonder back to it. I bit my lips and tried to concentrate on what Ms Smith was saying but then Demetri turned around and looked at me then he flashed me a smile revealing his pefectly shpaed teeths that just took my breath away.
When the lesson finished, I grabbed my bag and headed out the school building as fast as I could,  I made my way to the parking lot and ignored Ashley as she laughed at me and called me a freak and spaz, I was used to her bitchness. As I walked over to my car, I noticed Demetri standing next to my car, I gulped as I approached him then I stopped and stared at him with arms crossed.

''What do you want?!'' I asked in a rude tone

''Well, We did kiss this morning, right?'' He said moving closer to me with his hands in his trouser then I couldnt help but notice his six pack that was screaming out underneath that sexy black T-shirt that he was wearing.

''Yeah, well it was NOTHING'' I said as I tried to not make eye contact with him because I am a terrible liar and I knew that the kiss was something because it got me thinking and feeling about him in a weird way but there was no way that I was going to admit it to him.

''The way you kissed me was something'' He said then he laughed charmingly and it made my heart vibrate and palms went sweaty

''WHAT?! woah there. Wait up, I did not kiss you. YOU KISSED ME!!'' I said angrily

''So, you're saying that the kiss was 'nothing'.'' He said then he moved closer to him

My heart began to race as I thought of the idea of him touching me, I could feel the heat off his body coming towards me. I could smell him, his scent surrounding me and making my thoughts focused only on him.

''Yeah that's exactly what I'm saying''

''SORRY! but I don't buy it, I find it hard to believe that you felt nothing from that kiss'' He said

I groaned annoyingly. I looked around the parking lot then I noticed that all the girls were looking at us, Some of them were whispering, some were laughing. I rolled my eyes then turned to face Demetri to set the record straight to him that the kiss really meant nothing.

''It was nothing, OKAY?! and just so we are cle....'' Before I could finish saying what I wanted to say. A voice coming from behind me cut us off

''What are you kids talking about?'' Ashley asked

I looked at her and rolled my eyes but she was smiling at me and the top that was wearing reaveled her whole cleavage which she was pointing directly in Demetri's direction and he was staring at her in a flirtateous way. I rollled my eyes, scoffed and stomped off then Ashley called me

''Anna, Wait!''

''What?'' I said, turning in her direction

''I know what time of the year it is. And well I just wanted you to know that Matt and I are throwing a memoral party for Gemma, You can come if you want to'' She said with a smile

I looked at her with pain in my eyes. I mean that was a very cheap shot, She was Gemma's bestfriend but one week after Gemma's death she started dating Matt who was Gemma's boyfriend at the time. When people at school confronted both of them about it, she said that she was just helping him deal with the ''Pain'' I rolled my eyes and kept on walking then got into my car and drove off.

On my way home. I blocked the memory of what Ashley had just said and then I decided to take the long way home, I decided to drive through bridgeway instead of neva road. As I approached the bridge, i parked my car and got out slowly then I walked on the bridge that was now fully repaired. As i stood staring at the bridge I remember the accident, I was looking at the bridge and all i could see was the accident.....

It was October 10th 2008, it was around midnight. The road was pitch black and mum's SUV was blasting through the road, we were all wearing our seatbelts. I watched from the outside as Mum turned around to talk to me and that was why she didnt notie the sign that read ''ROAD AHEAD CLOSED! DUE TO THE BRIDGE BEING REPAIRED'' Mum was busy talking to me and the next thing i know was that the car went flying and our airbags were out and the car was spinning out of mum's control then a loud crash was on the cars roof; a big oak tree had fallen on the car. The tree had spilt the car in two and then when i tried to move my whole body was in pain, I couldnt feel my toes or anything, the only thing i could see were tree brances, i couldnt see mum or Gemma, ''Mum!'' I cried out as i tried to move ''GEMMA'' i cried out but no one responded.  The last thing i remember was passing out and waking up to find myself in the back of an ambulance with paramedics shouting at me to keep me awake while they tried to stop the bleeding coming from my head and my leg.

Tears began to fall from my eyes as I looked at the bridge that was now fully repaired. If it wasnt for me then mum would have seen that sign. There was a honk coming from behind me, I looked around frightened then turned around quickly and wiped the tears away. I sniffed and stood still just staring at the bridge and wondering what might have happened if I hadnt been a bitch that night... Would mum have noticed the sign or would she have just carried on?

''Are you okay?'' a familar voice asked

''What! have you gone stalker on me now?!'' I asked without turning around because i realised who it was without turning around. My heart started doing a cartwheel so it must be Demetri.

''No. I was on my way and I notic---''

''I was only joking'' I said before he could finish talking

I dragged the hood of my sweatshirt further down my face, ''What's wrong?'' He said; and he sounded like he actually did care, it made me want to cry even more.

''Nothing'' I whispered then new tears started to fall from my eyes. He walked over to me and tried to look at me but I turned away refusing to show him that I was crying.....

''You can tak to me Anna, It's fine'' He said softly

I turned to look at him through tears and I could see it in his face that he actually cared. ''My Mum and sister passed away. In a ermmmm............... Car accident, I survived it though and they died, It all happened right here on this bridge'' I said in tears

''I'm sorry'' He said. I laughed through my tears

''GREAT! i actually thought you'd have something better to say but you said what everyone else said, they said sorry'' I said in tears

He then reached out and hugged me, Pulling me closer to his chest. I hugged him back, i loved the feeling of his big muscular arms around me crushing me. He hugged me and I couldnt help the tears that were falling from my eyes and soaking his perfectly smelt black T-shirt. His arms felt warm and protectively around me....
I could feel my tears soaking his T-shirt but he didnt let go off me, he just hugged me tigther. I pushed him a litte bit for him to let me go and then he did, I laughed and looked up at him through tears, he reached down and wiped my tears away with his hands, then he used his finger to trace the shape of my lips. The touch of his cold fingers made me shiver, we were both staring into eachother's eyes then he reached down and kissed me softly.

The feeling of his soft lips lingered slowly on mines, He then looked at me and the way he looked at me was like he was seeing the world or something. I could feel my heart doing a gallop as he smiled at me then I reached up to kiss him, Eager to feel the warmth of his soft lips against mines. As our lips were about to meet, my phone vibrated in my pocker causing me to jump up frigtened.

I looked at the caller ID, it was my dad. I walked away from Demetri to answer the phone

''YES?'' I said annoyed at the fact that dad had called.

''Where are you? I thought we said we'd go out for dinner tonight. Don't tell me that you're going to flunk out on  me?'' My father said

''Sorry, I forgot. I'll be there soon'' I said then hanged up before my dad could say anything else.

I turned towards Demetri and looked at him, he looked so beautiful as he stood there in full black. He was so beautiful that everytime I look at him my heart does a cart wheel and my palms get all sweaty and my knees go week... I waved bye to him and climb in my car and drove off. As i drove on the bridge I didnt feel scared of anything because all I could think about was Demetri..
When I reached home, i went straight to my bedroom, had a shower and got dressed for dinner with dad. I was in such a good mood that I decided to ditch the sweatshirt...
I headed downstairs where my father was waiting for me patiently, ''Ready?'' He asked

I smiled and headed outside the house then we both got into my dad's car. The journey wasn't longer than 15 minutes, Dad and I actually had a conversation throughout the whole journey, I was in such a good mood because of Demetri that i had forgotten how funny and charming my father really is.
My dad pulled up in the parking lot of the resturant, and parked his car then we got out and went to the reception where a brown haired woman stood. She directed my dad and I to our table and then we waited for the menu to arrive.

''Welcome to Midnight Munch, May i take your order?'' a blonde hair waitress said to us

''AH! i will have the ermmmm Chicken terriaki with a very well dressed salad'' my dad said then he handed over the menu to the waitress

''I'll just have a plain chicken salad''  I said

I looked around the restuarant as I waited for our food to arrive and then i noticed that Demetri and Ashley was sitting four tables away from us. I could feel my heart sinking in my chest as I stared  at them, she took a bite of her meal and Demetri was smiling then he reached over and played with Ashley's long fake blonde hair then he took up a rose off the table and handed it to her and he bent over the table and kissed her. I gulped and stared with tears in my eyes, I could feel the pain in my heart as I came to the realisation that my happiness was over and all I wanted to do was to go home and hide beneath my sweatshirt hood.....How could he do this? How could I have been so stupid to think that a boy like him would be interested in someone like me?........

Chapter Two

I lay still on my back and watched as tiny lights of sunlight escaped through my bedroom curtains; causing the darkness to disappear and replaced by light. I sat up in my bed, brushed my light brown hair away from my face. I didn't sleep lastnight, I didn't sleep because I was terrified of what I would dream about, the dreams had become more frequent now and more scary. I'd always wake up haunted by own screams, I sighed silently and climbed out of bed, I walked over to the bathroom and closed the behind me. I reached into the bathroom cupboard and took out the razorblade, I sat down slowly on the cold tiled bathroom floor..... I stared at the scars on my arm, some of them were old and fading, most of them were healed but in their place remained a scar, some of them were blooded and slightly swollen and red around the edges. The scar that I made lastnight; still hurt and was swollen with red blood marks around the edges....

I took a deep deep breahe in, leaned my head back as tears fell from my eyes, I slowly took the razor blade and slit it across my arm, I gasped in pain as the pain of the sharp razor blade cutting my wrist open released newly riched blood. I droped the razor blade on the ground and watched as red rich coloured blood poured out of the wound I had punctured on my arm, I cried as I thought of mum and Gemma.
They didn't dsereve to die, It was all my fault If i hadn't been a spolit brat that night then mum wouldn't have gotten side tracked and not watching where she was going, If it wasn't for me crying for my stupid teddy bear then she wouldnt have to turn back and had to take the other side of the road because she didn't want to be in traffic...What hurts most is that everyone else says that It was an accident and I should be happy that I survived it but how can someone ever be happy after loosing their mother and sister in an accident that only they survived? I sobbed quietly to myself as I had a flashback of my last minutes with mum and Gemma...

                                                       *FlashBack*
''I want my daddy'' I screamed with tears rolling down my cheeks. Mum had woken up Gemma and I out of our sleep, telling us that we were going on a vacation...She had threw our clothes in a bag and drove off with us, as I cried for my daddy demanding that we go back get him so that he can come on vacation aswell. Mum just kept on saying that dad wouldn't be joinging us for this vacation. I cried louder and louder screaming at my mother that I wanted my daddy but she ignored me as she drove. Gemma was trying to calm me down and telling me that i'd get to see daddy soon but I just kept on screaming louder and louder for my dad.


I sobbed quietly in the bathroom as tears escaped my eyes and ran down my cheeks widly. My tears caused my visions to go blurry and my eyes burned as the sunglight was shining through my bathroom window, I sat still for a couple of mintues then got up from the bathroom floor, I walked over to the the sink to wash my face when I noticed my reflection, I stared at my reflection in the mirror and boy was I ugly, I had light green eyes and around my eyes were circles and eyebags due to loss of sleep, my eyes were red at the corner and you could just see it in my eyes that I was tired. I was tired, I'm tired of taking everything on alone, I'm tired of being lonely, I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of feeling invisble... I need someone and even though I might not show it, I need someone but I won't be desperate... I want someone to sweep me off my feet, Someone that can make me feel alive again and reassure me that the accident wasn't my fault.

I had a shower and got dressed in black skinny jeans, gray long sleeved top and a black converse. I reached into my closet and pulled out a gray sweatshirt. I dragged my sweatshirt hood over my head and headed downstairs, when I reached downstairs, my dad was in his office (as usual). I didnt bother saying anything to him because I still felt bad about lying to him lastnight about having homework to do when really I just didn't want to do DVD's night with him. As I opened the door and was about go outside, I heard my dad call out from behind me....

''Hey Anna, Wait.''
I turned around and stared at him ''what?'' I asked

''I was thinking that we could go out to dinner later.... There's this new Italian resturants that just opened tonight downtown...what do you say?''

I stared at him as I thought of ways to try and get out of dinner, I bit down on my lip hard as I think of a lie but I couldn't come up with any ''errrrrrmmmm....Okay'' I said as I faked a smile..

''GREAT! i'll book us a table for 8.'' he said then he turned around and went into his office,

I groaned loudly and went outisde, I got into my car and staretd the engine. As I drove to school, I was still thinking of possible ways to get out of dinner, I know that I already said yes but I really didn't want to go and when since has dad started making efforts for us to spend time together. He compeletly shut down after the accident, we've both been shut down for the last two years but ever since he's been going to theraphy or something he seemed to be changing a bit.. He's back at work and he's been talking to me, I guess that's a relief because I always thought that deep down he had blamed me for the accident, I know that it's a stupid thing but for the past two years he couldn't even look me in the eyes, he wouldn't talk to me.. not that I would talk to him either but it was just weird..... I liked the silence between us, the talking now was just weird and freaky.

My dad is David but he likes when people call him Dave, He's a lawyer and also a widow. He hasn't been with another a woman since mum passed away, he hasn't removed his wedding ring or anything. The house is decorated the same and everything, I guess Dave sets a bad example for me because when someone dies you're supposed to mvoe on right? but Dave hasn't been moving on so it's difficult for me to just get up and decide that it was time to move on... Ever since mum and Gemma passed away, Dave and I haven't been communicating alot. For the first three months of their death, we didn't speak to eachother... Family members were flying in and everything but we wouldnt even look eachother in the eyes. I can't even rememebr Dave being happy when I learned how to walk again after the doctors thought I would be paralysed....
I guess Dave and I have alot in common, we both deal with pain the same way well I'm pretty sure that he isn't cutting himself like I am but we both shut down from the people around us when we are hurt. I don't like talking about my feelings and Dave doesn't either...

I don't know if I'm wrong of if i'm right but I think that just like how I blame myself for their deaths so does Dave. I think he blames himself because it's like he's carrying all this guilt and stuff, I still haven't brought myself to ask him the question as to why mum was so angry at him the night of the accident... I guess i'm just a coward of what his answer might be, what if it's something that I really don't want to hear.... so i'll just make up something in my head to fill that gap but I still wonder as to why she was so angry at him, considering that they were so in love with eachother....

I pulled up in the school's parking lot and parked my car and got out. There was no one else in the parking lot, ''Great i'm late'' I thought to myself. As I walked towards the school's building, I couldn't help but notice the spot where Gemma's car was always parked, I started to smile as I remembered how she would give me a lift to school and warn me to not do anything embarassing in school because she has a repuation and I would just roll my eyes and walk off.... It was like I could see her standing there, her beautiful golden blonde hair hanging firecly, she was dressed in her cheerleading outfit... she looked so beautiful that she could pass as an angel. I couldn't help the tears that were beginging to form in my eyes as I stared at her, She laughed and ran her fingers through her hair then added some lip gloss to her lips... ''Typical Gemma'' I thought to myself, I was so filled with excitement that I went towards her to hug her only to find myself hugging Randy's car that was parked in the spot where Gemma was just standing a minute ago...

I looked around frightened with tears in my eyes, I looked around seeing if I could see her again but there was no one else in the parking lot but me. This happens to me alot, I always see them, it's either Gemma or mum and whenever I try making psychial contact they just disappear leaving me all alone.... and I feel the pain all over again like I had just lost them to the accident. I stood still not moving as tears fell from my eyes. The hardest part about not having mum around is that when she alive, I didnt appreciate her, I was always with dad or something... Dave was always the irresponsible parent whereas mum on the other hand is a little bit too strict for my liking, so I always had arguements with her and they're were many times that I told her that I hated her and how I wished she wasn't my mum and now I just wish that I could take that back because I don't even remember ever telling her that I loved her..... I don't remember the last night, I hugged her or anything, we were always arguing... Dave and I got along while Gemma and mum got along.

''Are you okay?'' a voice from behind me asked....

I sniffed, wipred my tears away and mumbled that I was fine. I turned away quickly and walked to the school with my head held low, I didn't care who it was, I just didn't want anyone to see me crying because by them seeing me cry then it just brings all the questions.. The questions that i've been avoiding, thats why I've built these fake smiles because it stops the questions and I'm always quite mean to people like I was with Demetri yesterday because while building the fake smiles I ended up building these walls around myself and it's impossible for me to let anyone in because I get so scared at the fact that one day I might end up loosing someone close to me like I lost mum and Gemma and that's a pain that I never ever want to feel ever again... Everything I touch gets destroyed, Everyone i love gets hurts, it's like I'm not meant to be happy but how can someone like me be happy? when I'm the one thats to be blamed for my mother and sister's death...

I could feel the tears falling from my eyes as I walked through the school corridors and I just knew that I wasn't in the right state for lesson, I couldn't go now... The tears were just falling and were out of my control there was nothing I could do to stop them, this why I don't like crying because once I start crying, its impossible to stop!! I turned around and headed to the girls bathroom, I couldnt be bothered with going to lesson, I stood behind the bathroom door and I protectively wrapped my arms around myself, I sat on the floor and hugged myself, I knew that a hug from myself wouldn't do anything but it's the closet I would ever come to getting hugged... I sat on the floor for abot 5 mintues then I got up and slowly looked in the mirror, I was a mess, my overlapping hood was covering half my face and my eyes were red with running masscara and eyeliner... I turned the cold water on and splashed some water on my face as I took deep breaths in and out trying to calm down...

''You can do this. It's not that hard to go out there and fake a smile. No one cares if you're sad or if you're happy but just fake a smile... it will get you through the day'' I said to myself repeatdley over and over in my head.

The school bell then rang and girls started to come into the girls bathroom, I ignored their glares as I walked out, I dragged my hood down further to try and cover all my face as I walked with my head held low.. As i was walking something suddenly hit me straight in the face, The pain was all over my face and before I knew it I passed out............................

*26 mintues Later*

When I woke up, I was in the medical room. I looked around to see if I could see the nurse or something but there was no one, I got up slowly and grabbed my bag off the chair, there was burning pain coming from my forehead.. I looked in the mirror and I had a concussion...... My forehead was red and it was burning but I didn't want to stay in this place.. I wanted to get out, it just brings memory back of being at the hospital lying on the bed and not remembering how I had ended up there only to find out 5 hours later that I survived a terrible accident that unfortunetly my sister and mother did not survive. When I was out the medical room, the first thing I noticed was Demetri sitting in the waiting area. I stood still for a second not sure what to do then I decided to just walk past and ignore him, maybe he won't talk to me after I was so rude yesterday.

As I walked past him, he got up and stood infront of me, I rolled my eyes but when I rolled my eyes, it made my forehead hurt. I couldn't help but notice his beautiful features as he stood infont of me; his lips were perfectly shaped and were slightly pink, his face was like a sculptured face it was just too perfect.... I moved my eyes along to his cheeks then to his eyes.. as our eyes met, there was nothing else I could do but stare in his eyes.. they were the same colour as mines but only deeper, his eyes were green like leaves on a tree. As i stared in his eyes I could feel my heart beating faster and faster and my palms getting sweaty which means that I was nervous..... His eyes were wild like a cats and I couldn't look away from them, it was like he held me in place... everything was under his control.

I felt trapped in his eyes as I stared at him, we weren't speaking we were just staring at eachother... He was staring at me like he'd seen something beautiful or something and I guess I was staring at him like i'd seen Bradd Pitt or something but who could blame me.... He was hotter than Brad pitt.. I felt dizzy and as my feet went weak and I was about to fall to the ground, he quickly grabbed me in his arms, I could feel his muscles under his shirt touching me... I looked up at him and without thinking I reached up and kissed him..... I was surprised that he didn't push me away from him or something, instead, he kissed me back and more powerful than I thought he would... His lips were soft against mines and they moved slowly over mines, Before I knew it, our lips started moving in the same rythmn, I wanted to stop kissing him so badly I even tried moving away but he kissed me more and more, crushing my body against his and stroking my hair while he kiss me... As I kiss him, all the feelings I felt an hour ago disappeared....

I felt a little bit dizzy as he kissed me because I wasn't getting any oxygen but he just kissed me more and more... I could feel him on my tongue, I could feel him moaning a sexy moan on my tongue that just made my stomach filled with butterfly.. I felt safe and secure in his arms as we both embraced eachother...................

                                               TO BE CONTINUED

Chapter One

I remember the pain I felt that night; I felt numbed as i layed on my back in an ambulance....I was being rushed to the hospital after the accident, I remember opening my eyes and seeing paramedics around me....checking my pulse, shining a light in my eyes and asking me whether I could hear them or not. But I couldn't hear them, but I could read the words that were coming from their lips.
Millions of questions were dancing around in my throbbing head and all I could think about was what happened? I tried to move but a stinging pain coming from my back pulled me back down, I tried to speak and i found myself choking on my own blood........Is someone supposed to remember all this? Something that happened two years ago?


''Hey are you okay?'' Katy asked as she pressed her warm clammy hands against mines.

I moved my arm away uncomfortably and faked a smile to reassure her that I was fine, When really I wasn't fine. I'm tearing apart inside and it surprises me that it doesn't show on the outside but then again maybe it does show and no one just never ask whats wrong. The accident that happened two years ago haunt me like it was just yesterday.
I pushed the painful memories to the back of my head and tried to focus on what was happening around me, I was at school with my friend Katy, and her friends Charli and Zoey. It's lunchtime and I can't even remember getting out of bed to come to school... I guess i've been living in the past so much lately but it's hard to not live in the past when nothing in the present makes sense anyways... And it was kinda hard to not focus on the past when in two weeks time it will make 3 years since they've passed away.... No one even talks about them anymore, they all seem to have forgotten or something... It's harder for me to forget it when I survived it. I took a deep breath in and pushed the painful memories back where they belonged, No one needed to know how I feel, No one needed to know about me crying myself to sleep and anyways even if they knew what would they do? because no matter what they say or do it will never bring then back.

''No, She's always on another planet. She really is'' Zoey said, then katy and Charli laughed along as they played with the cheesy pasta that they have ordered from the cafeteria.

''Who's always on another planet?'' I asked, trying to be involved in the conversation.

''YOU!'' Zoey shouted

''What? no i'm not!''

''Okay so tell us what happened in music today?''

''Errrr.... We talked about....Music''

''My point has been proved. You really need to stop day dreaming'' She said

I didnt say anything to her, I just ignored what she was saying even though I was very aware that she was right. I do need to stop day dreaming, I need to stop living in the past so much, it's time to move on like Damien did... He lost his mother to drug addiction and he seems to have gotten over it so why can't i get over the accident... Why does it haunt me everyday? everywhere I look there's always a reminder of them, There's always something.. it's like i'm not meant to move on from it......

I looked around the cafeteria and I noticed a pale faced boy with deep green eyes sitting two tables away from our table. He was sitting beside Josh, Ashley and Tami.. infront of him was a plate of untouched food, he was just staring at me, he wasn't blinking or anything he was just staring... I looked at him and rolled my eyes then turned around but I was tempted to turn around and look to see if he was staring at me... I peeped through my hood to see if he was still looking at me and he was. I dragged my hood down to hide my face and tried to focus on the conversation that was happening.
I turned a little bit to the right to look at the boy to see if he was staring back at me and he was, I turned around then dragged Zoey by the arm.

''What?'' she asked annoyingly

''Who is that?'' I asked

She looked at me confused as she looked around to who I was talking about. ''Who? I can't see anyone....''

''The boy that Tami is talking to''

She turned around to see who it was, I grabbed her by the arm and yanked her around ''DON'T LOOK!!'' I said,

''Well how am I supposed to know who it is then'' she said with annoyance.
She turned around to see who it was and when she saw who it was, she suddenly started eye flirting and waving at him in a flirtacious way.

I rolled my eyes with annoyance and cleared my thorat but she still didn't stop flirting, it was getting on my nerves now. I leaned over and whispered in her ears ''Tell me when you're done flirting with him''

She turned around and looked at me apologetically ''That was not flirting. That was.....ermmm...Communication''

''Communication?'' I said as I raised my eyebrow and stare at her.

''Whatever''

''Well who is he then? because he's staring at me and it's starting to freak me out''

''He's the new student'' she said then she turned around to join the conversation with Katy and Charli. She seemed annoyed by all the questions I was asking so I just allowed it to drop....

The rest of lunch time went on, Katy, Charli and Zoey carried on with their conversation and I stayed sitting there like the outsider just dwelling on the past, being tied up in my own thoughts. Thoughts I wish that I could just forget and move on... The bell then rang for period 5, I grabbed my bag and headed for lesson, I was actually looking forward to period 5 which was art. It's my only way in expressing how I feel, by doing art it explains just how I feel. When I reached to my lesson, the guy from the cafetria was there, I walked over to my normal seat and sat down. Mr Lawerence was already there and explaning what our task today was, I put my bag down and started to draw a picture.... I coloured everything black then I started to draw a girl with her hair down her face, covering her face, covering the tears that she was crying and she was sitting there alone in the dark and was surrounded by darkness and it was exactly how I feel....

I feel trapped, I feel like there's no way out... No way to escape all this pain, There's nothing left of me, I don't even feel alive....
''That's a nice picture'' a voice from behind me said....
I jumped gasped, then turned around to see who it was, It was that boy from the cafetria, ''I get the feeling that she's sad. Correct me if i'm wrong, she feels trapped, she feels like nob----'' Before he could contiune, I turned around annoyingly and said ''Don't you have something better to do?'' it came out ruder than I hoped but I didn't regret it.

''I'm already finished with my work'' He said with a charming smile.

''Yeah well can you just go annoy someone else, I'm trying to focus on my work''

''Annoy, I don't think that I'm annoying you'' he said, then he took a seat beside me and was just staring at me. I bit down on my lip hard and turned to look at Mr Lawerence but he had his earphones in and was busy doing god knows what. I continued to work on my painting; ignoring him but I just couldnt because as I worked, i could feel his eyes on me. I put the crayons down and just sat down with my arms crossed... The girls in the classroom kept turning around to look at us and some were biting their lips and flirting with him.

''I'm Demetri, and you are?''

Instead of replying, I reahced into the side of my bag and pulled out my iPod touch, I stuck the earphones in and blasted some music to block out Demetri. I wasn't interesting in knowing him, I wasn't interesting in being his friend... I wasn't interested in anything at all.. I just wanted to left alone. Eventually he got up and went back to his table and I carried on with my work until the end of the lesson, As soon as the bell rang for time to go home... Demetri dragged up his bag quickly and left, I dragged my bag and followed behind the other students, as I existed the schools buliding and as I was walking towards my car, I noticed Demetri standing by my car. I walked over towards him then stopped when I was close to him I stopped and folded my arms acrossed my chest, ''What?'' I asked.

''Well, I wanted to apologise about disturbing you earlier''

''Whatever, it wasn't that big of a deal'' I said

''You're unbelievable'' he said with a laugh...

''What?'' i asked, confused.

''Nothing'' He said with a laugh then he turned around and walk off.

I stood still for a couple of seconds then I opened my car door and got in. I started the engine and drove off, When I reahced home, I opened the front door and walked up towards the stairs, I heard the door of my father's office opened... ''How was school'' he asked.

I turned around; looking down at my feet as I replied  ''It was fine''
I turned around to headed back up the stairs when my dad said something again... ''Hey I rented some dvd's i got that movie... The Last Song, that one you wanted to watch. I was thinking that we could order some pizza and watch some DVD's like we used to''

''I wish I could but I'm behind on some homework and I need to get them done tonight, Sorry'' I lied....

''Oh well. I'll leave some pizza for you'' He said.

''Okay'' I said then I turned around and headed up the stairs, it's not like I didn't want to spend time with my dad but it was just too difficult for me, we both live in the same house and everything but we hardly ever speak to eachother.... It's like we're two complete strangers. When I reached inside my room, I closed my door behind me and threw my sutff on the floor, I jumped on my bed and buried my face in my pillow and I just cried..... It was all that I could do anyways, there was nothing else for me to do....
I miss Mum, I miss Gemma... They didn't deserve to die, they died because of me, if I wasn't being a spoilt self centered bitch that night then they wouldn't have died.... Maybe if I was just being obedient and listen to mum then she wouldnt have gotten distracted....... I just wish that I could go back in time and change it all, Change every moment of it and if the accident was meant to happen then i'd trade my life for their's..... I have no reason living anyways.. Mum had a reason, she had to live because dad needed her and Gemma she had to live to succeded her dream of being a model but both their lives ended that night because of me..... If only I could change it.....