Chapter One

I remember the pain I felt that night; I felt numbed as i layed on my back in an ambulance....I was being rushed to the hospital after the accident, I remember opening my eyes and seeing paramedics around me....checking my pulse, shining a light in my eyes and asking me whether I could hear them or not. But I couldn't hear them, but I could read the words that were coming from their lips.
Millions of questions were dancing around in my throbbing head and all I could think about was what happened? I tried to move but a stinging pain coming from my back pulled me back down, I tried to speak and i found myself choking on my own blood........Is someone supposed to remember all this? Something that happened two years ago?


''Hey are you okay?'' Katy asked as she pressed her warm clammy hands against mines.

I moved my arm away uncomfortably and faked a smile to reassure her that I was fine, When really I wasn't fine. I'm tearing apart inside and it surprises me that it doesn't show on the outside but then again maybe it does show and no one just never ask whats wrong. The accident that happened two years ago haunt me like it was just yesterday.
I pushed the painful memories to the back of my head and tried to focus on what was happening around me, I was at school with my friend Katy, and her friends Charli and Zoey. It's lunchtime and I can't even remember getting out of bed to come to school... I guess i've been living in the past so much lately but it's hard to not live in the past when nothing in the present makes sense anyways... And it was kinda hard to not focus on the past when in two weeks time it will make 3 years since they've passed away.... No one even talks about them anymore, they all seem to have forgotten or something... It's harder for me to forget it when I survived it. I took a deep breath in and pushed the painful memories back where they belonged, No one needed to know how I feel, No one needed to know about me crying myself to sleep and anyways even if they knew what would they do? because no matter what they say or do it will never bring then back.

''No, She's always on another planet. She really is'' Zoey said, then katy and Charli laughed along as they played with the cheesy pasta that they have ordered from the cafeteria.

''Who's always on another planet?'' I asked, trying to be involved in the conversation.

''YOU!'' Zoey shouted

''What? no i'm not!''

''Okay so tell us what happened in music today?''

''Errrr.... We talked about....Music''

''My point has been proved. You really need to stop day dreaming'' She said

I didnt say anything to her, I just ignored what she was saying even though I was very aware that she was right. I do need to stop day dreaming, I need to stop living in the past so much, it's time to move on like Damien did... He lost his mother to drug addiction and he seems to have gotten over it so why can't i get over the accident... Why does it haunt me everyday? everywhere I look there's always a reminder of them, There's always something.. it's like i'm not meant to move on from it......

I looked around the cafeteria and I noticed a pale faced boy with deep green eyes sitting two tables away from our table. He was sitting beside Josh, Ashley and Tami.. infront of him was a plate of untouched food, he was just staring at me, he wasn't blinking or anything he was just staring... I looked at him and rolled my eyes then turned around but I was tempted to turn around and look to see if he was staring at me... I peeped through my hood to see if he was still looking at me and he was. I dragged my hood down to hide my face and tried to focus on the conversation that was happening.
I turned a little bit to the right to look at the boy to see if he was staring back at me and he was, I turned around then dragged Zoey by the arm.

''What?'' she asked annoyingly

''Who is that?'' I asked

She looked at me confused as she looked around to who I was talking about. ''Who? I can't see anyone....''

''The boy that Tami is talking to''

She turned around to see who it was, I grabbed her by the arm and yanked her around ''DON'T LOOK!!'' I said,

''Well how am I supposed to know who it is then'' she said with annoyance.
She turned around to see who it was and when she saw who it was, she suddenly started eye flirting and waving at him in a flirtacious way.

I rolled my eyes with annoyance and cleared my thorat but she still didn't stop flirting, it was getting on my nerves now. I leaned over and whispered in her ears ''Tell me when you're done flirting with him''

She turned around and looked at me apologetically ''That was not flirting. That was.....ermmm...Communication''

''Communication?'' I said as I raised my eyebrow and stare at her.

''Whatever''

''Well who is he then? because he's staring at me and it's starting to freak me out''

''He's the new student'' she said then she turned around to join the conversation with Katy and Charli. She seemed annoyed by all the questions I was asking so I just allowed it to drop....

The rest of lunch time went on, Katy, Charli and Zoey carried on with their conversation and I stayed sitting there like the outsider just dwelling on the past, being tied up in my own thoughts. Thoughts I wish that I could just forget and move on... The bell then rang for period 5, I grabbed my bag and headed for lesson, I was actually looking forward to period 5 which was art. It's my only way in expressing how I feel, by doing art it explains just how I feel. When I reached to my lesson, the guy from the cafetria was there, I walked over to my normal seat and sat down. Mr Lawerence was already there and explaning what our task today was, I put my bag down and started to draw a picture.... I coloured everything black then I started to draw a girl with her hair down her face, covering her face, covering the tears that she was crying and she was sitting there alone in the dark and was surrounded by darkness and it was exactly how I feel....

I feel trapped, I feel like there's no way out... No way to escape all this pain, There's nothing left of me, I don't even feel alive....
''That's a nice picture'' a voice from behind me said....
I jumped gasped, then turned around to see who it was, It was that boy from the cafetria, ''I get the feeling that she's sad. Correct me if i'm wrong, she feels trapped, she feels like nob----'' Before he could contiune, I turned around annoyingly and said ''Don't you have something better to do?'' it came out ruder than I hoped but I didn't regret it.

''I'm already finished with my work'' He said with a charming smile.

''Yeah well can you just go annoy someone else, I'm trying to focus on my work''

''Annoy, I don't think that I'm annoying you'' he said, then he took a seat beside me and was just staring at me. I bit down on my lip hard and turned to look at Mr Lawerence but he had his earphones in and was busy doing god knows what. I continued to work on my painting; ignoring him but I just couldnt because as I worked, i could feel his eyes on me. I put the crayons down and just sat down with my arms crossed... The girls in the classroom kept turning around to look at us and some were biting their lips and flirting with him.

''I'm Demetri, and you are?''

Instead of replying, I reahced into the side of my bag and pulled out my iPod touch, I stuck the earphones in and blasted some music to block out Demetri. I wasn't interesting in knowing him, I wasn't interesting in being his friend... I wasn't interested in anything at all.. I just wanted to left alone. Eventually he got up and went back to his table and I carried on with my work until the end of the lesson, As soon as the bell rang for time to go home... Demetri dragged up his bag quickly and left, I dragged my bag and followed behind the other students, as I existed the schools buliding and as I was walking towards my car, I noticed Demetri standing by my car. I walked over towards him then stopped when I was close to him I stopped and folded my arms acrossed my chest, ''What?'' I asked.

''Well, I wanted to apologise about disturbing you earlier''

''Whatever, it wasn't that big of a deal'' I said

''You're unbelievable'' he said with a laugh...

''What?'' i asked, confused.

''Nothing'' He said with a laugh then he turned around and walk off.

I stood still for a couple of seconds then I opened my car door and got in. I started the engine and drove off, When I reahced home, I opened the front door and walked up towards the stairs, I heard the door of my father's office opened... ''How was school'' he asked.

I turned around; looking down at my feet as I replied  ''It was fine''
I turned around to headed back up the stairs when my dad said something again... ''Hey I rented some dvd's i got that movie... The Last Song, that one you wanted to watch. I was thinking that we could order some pizza and watch some DVD's like we used to''

''I wish I could but I'm behind on some homework and I need to get them done tonight, Sorry'' I lied....

''Oh well. I'll leave some pizza for you'' He said.

''Okay'' I said then I turned around and headed up the stairs, it's not like I didn't want to spend time with my dad but it was just too difficult for me, we both live in the same house and everything but we hardly ever speak to eachother.... It's like we're two complete strangers. When I reached inside my room, I closed my door behind me and threw my sutff on the floor, I jumped on my bed and buried my face in my pillow and I just cried..... It was all that I could do anyways, there was nothing else for me to do....
I miss Mum, I miss Gemma... They didn't deserve to die, they died because of me, if I wasn't being a spoilt self centered bitch that night then they wouldn't have died.... Maybe if I was just being obedient and listen to mum then she wouldnt have gotten distracted....... I just wish that I could go back in time and change it all, Change every moment of it and if the accident was meant to happen then i'd trade my life for their's..... I have no reason living anyways.. Mum had a reason, she had to live because dad needed her and Gemma she had to live to succeded her dream of being a model but both their lives ended that night because of me..... If only I could change it.....